Fear: How to Turn a Watch Dog into a Scaredy Cat

What is fear? According to Wikipedia,

* Fear is an emotional response to threats and danger.

* Fear is often connected to pain.

* Fear is related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance.

* Fear is one of several basic, innate emotions.

* Fear is a survival mechanism, and usually occurs in response to a specific negative stimulus.

After reading this definition, can't help but ponder what life would be like without fear. If there was no fear, then there wouldn't be any reason to be fearful, right? So that means no "threats and danger," no "pain," and no "negative stimulus." If people did not experience any of these situations, then nothing would go wrong. Children would not fall off of their bikes and get abrasions, no one would be heartbroken due to relationships breaking up, no one would die, etc. We would be living in a perfect world saturated with perpetual bliss. I do believe this place exists--it's called heaven--until I get there, I'm going to have to deal with fear.

I think that it is important to have a healthy level of fear regarding certain situations because it forces a person to be mindful of ramifications that will ensue as a result of an action. For example, walking through a parking lot at night to get to one's vehicle. Being mindful of the potential dangers of a situation of this nature prompts a person to take precautions such as having the ignition keys in hand, being aware of the surroundings, starting the vehicle and locking the doors once inside, not tarrying in the parking lot, etc. A person who does this respects the fear of being attacked and takes action to avoid being vulnerable. This is having a healthy level of fear.

On the other hand, fear can escalate into unhealthy levels in which a person's fear can be intense, persistent, and irrational. When this happens, the fear can overtake the person and alter the way the person lives. A person can become so paranoid of the situation, activity, thing, or person that is evoking the fear that there is a change in lifestyle as a result. The fear turns into anxiety and starts to take control of the person's moods, actions, and overall functioning in daily life. This is having a very unhealthy level of fear.

Like most people, I have experienced my fair share of pain in my life. Death has been a frequenter in my family for the past several years and the loss of loved ones has carved a sorrowful etching in my heart that will never be repaired. I have felt the pain that results from of not being loved, betrayal, and rejection. I have felt pain...and it hurts. Being at this stage in life reminds me of this isolation that is felt from hurt and loss. This is explained in a poem from Ella Wheeler Wilcox entitled, "Solitude." It reads:

LAUGH, and the world laughs with you;

Weep, and you weep alone.

For the sad old earth must borrow it's mirth,

But has trouble enough of it's own.

Sing, and the hills will answer;

Sigh, it is lost on the air.

The echoes bound to a joyful sound,

But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;

Grieve, and they turn and go.

They want full measure of all your pleasure,

But they do not need your woe.

Be glad, and your friends are many;

Be sad, and you lose them all.

There are none to decline your nectared wine,

But alone you must drink life's gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;

Fast, and the world goes by.

Succeed and give, and it helps you live,

But no man can help you die.

There is room in the halls of pleasure

For a long and lordly train,

But one by one we must all file on

Through the narrow aisles of pain.

When experiencing feelings of devastation, it is common for a person to feel alone and isolated. It is also normal for a person to become fearful of the triggers that brought on the pain in the first place and to try to protect oneself from being hurt again. But living in fear and allowing that fear to take control of a person's life can put the person in a more turmoil than the initial stimulus.

I don't want live in constant fear. I don't want to allow fear to take control of me and dictate my mood, actions, and reactions. I want to be aware of the fear, accept it, and move on with my life. I want to know that if something negative happens, I will be able to get through it all and I will be okay. I want to prevail...and I will. James Thurber once said, "Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness." I am aware of my anger. I am aware of my fears. I am choosing to leave them where they are and move on with my life. For better or for worse, I am here and fear will not control me anymore.