The Complexities of Being Female

Photo credit: Patty Crosby

As I type this blog, the rain is bouncing off the the window pane and the wind is beginning to howl as the outer bands of Tropical Storm Fay move back on shore. This photograph was taken a mile from our home and is characteristic of what the skies have looked like for days. This storm has been lingering where it has traveled and it seems that when she arrives, she is an unwanted guest who is intent on wearing out her welcome. This storm has been unpredictable and atypical of other tropical storms as she has moved slowly and has traveled in an unlikely path. As a result, heavy rain and flooding are inevitable as this fickle lady spins along the coast.

School is cancelled today and I have planned a day of baking cupcakes, making bead necklaces, and playing board games with my children. We're going to hang around the house and enjoy the reprieve from school, but hope and pray that we don't lose power and the water level in the wetlands remain at a reasonable level. The waiting is what makes it so trying....this woman just can't take a hint....go away, Fay!

Thought of the Day

I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. I think the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be compassionate. It is, above all to matter, to count, to stand for something, to have made some difference that you lived at all.

-Leo Rosten

A Strange Compulsion

Yesterday I was at the checkout counter at the grocery store and was engaged in a conversation with the cashier. Eve was sitting in the cart, smiling at the clerk, and attempting to "talk" as well. The cashier was telling me what a sweet baby Eve was and commented on how cute her shoes were. I immediately said, "Thank you. They were only $12.99 at Bealls Outlet...can you believe it?" Whenever someone compliments me or one of my family members on an article of clothing that we are wearing, I always share where I purchased it from and how much it cost. Why do I feel compelled to do this? Is it because I am so "proud" of my good deal that I want everyone to know it or is is some other strange reason? Although I am a bargain shopper by nature and I do like to find items that are on sale, I do buy non-sale items. I learned a long time ago that it is better to purchase exactly what you want than to compromise by buying something similar to what you want but you'll never use. I used to have a closet full of clothes that were almost what I wanted that I never wore because I didn't want to spend the money on the real thing. Nowadays, if I can't afford what I want, I wait to buy until I can afford it. For now, I'll just keep on sharing my good finds with anyone who admires something I buy...and then they can be inspired to find the same bargain!

Fear: How to Turn a Watch Dog into a Scaredy Cat

What is fear? According to Wikipedia,

* Fear is an emotional response to threats and danger.

* Fear is often connected to pain.

* Fear is related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance.

* Fear is one of several basic, innate emotions.

* Fear is a survival mechanism, and usually occurs in response to a specific negative stimulus.

After reading this definition, can't help but ponder what life would be like without fear. If there was no fear, then there wouldn't be any reason to be fearful, right? So that means no "threats and danger," no "pain," and no "negative stimulus." If people did not experience any of these situations, then nothing would go wrong. Children would not fall off of their bikes and get abrasions, no one would be heartbroken due to relationships breaking up, no one would die, etc. We would be living in a perfect world saturated with perpetual bliss. I do believe this place exists--it's called heaven--until I get there, I'm going to have to deal with fear.

I think that it is important to have a healthy level of fear regarding certain situations because it forces a person to be mindful of ramifications that will ensue as a result of an action. For example, walking through a parking lot at night to get to one's vehicle. Being mindful of the potential dangers of a situation of this nature prompts a person to take precautions such as having the ignition keys in hand, being aware of the surroundings, starting the vehicle and locking the doors once inside, not tarrying in the parking lot, etc. A person who does this respects the fear of being attacked and takes action to avoid being vulnerable. This is having a healthy level of fear.

On the other hand, fear can escalate into unhealthy levels in which a person's fear can be intense, persistent, and irrational. When this happens, the fear can overtake the person and alter the way the person lives. A person can become so paranoid of the situation, activity, thing, or person that is evoking the fear that there is a change in lifestyle as a result. The fear turns into anxiety and starts to take control of the person's moods, actions, and overall functioning in daily life. This is having a very unhealthy level of fear.

Like most people, I have experienced my fair share of pain in my life. Death has been a frequenter in my family for the past several years and the loss of loved ones has carved a sorrowful etching in my heart that will never be repaired. I have felt the pain that results from of not being loved, betrayal, and rejection. I have felt pain...and it hurts. Being at this stage in life reminds me of this isolation that is felt from hurt and loss. This is explained in a poem from Ella Wheeler Wilcox entitled, "Solitude." It reads:

LAUGH, and the world laughs with you;

Weep, and you weep alone.

For the sad old earth must borrow it's mirth,

But has trouble enough of it's own.

Sing, and the hills will answer;

Sigh, it is lost on the air.

The echoes bound to a joyful sound,

But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;

Grieve, and they turn and go.

They want full measure of all your pleasure,

But they do not need your woe.

Be glad, and your friends are many;

Be sad, and you lose them all.

There are none to decline your nectared wine,

But alone you must drink life's gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;

Fast, and the world goes by.

Succeed and give, and it helps you live,

But no man can help you die.

There is room in the halls of pleasure

For a long and lordly train,

But one by one we must all file on

Through the narrow aisles of pain.

When experiencing feelings of devastation, it is common for a person to feel alone and isolated. It is also normal for a person to become fearful of the triggers that brought on the pain in the first place and to try to protect oneself from being hurt again. But living in fear and allowing that fear to take control of a person's life can put the person in a more turmoil than the initial stimulus.

I don't want live in constant fear. I don't want to allow fear to take control of me and dictate my mood, actions, and reactions. I want to be aware of the fear, accept it, and move on with my life. I want to know that if something negative happens, I will be able to get through it all and I will be okay. I want to prevail...and I will. James Thurber once said, "Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness." I am aware of my anger. I am aware of my fears. I am choosing to leave them where they are and move on with my life. For better or for worse, I am here and fear will not control me anymore.

A Pillar of Strength

Do you see that lady? She's my mother. Isn't she attractive? Look at that smile--that is the smile of a woman who is geniuinely happy. What is underneath that outer shell, however, is even more beautiful than what most people have the opportunity to see. When I mother was just a teenager, she met my father. She fell in love and ran away to marry him. By the age of 18, my mother had a family of her own--a husband, my brother, and I. Life for my mother was difficult for many of the obvious reasons that one might think when a couple is faced with these circumstances. But through it all, my mother persevered and fought for her family...and she won. Even though my dad was a presence and supported his family financially, it was my mother who raised us, instilled values in us, and formed who my brother and I are today. She was the epitomy of motherhood.

After my brother and I married and started families of our own, my parents finally had some time to do what they wanted. However, this was all cut short when my father had a stroke and was later diagnosed with lung cancer. My mother again had to take on the role of caregiver as she met the needs of my father who passed away at the young age of 53.

A young woman herself, my mother found love again and is married to a wonderful man, John (pictured here as well), who is giving my mother the life she truly deserves. There isn't enough time for me to take to share all of the sacrifices my mother has made for me, my brother, my father, and many, many more people in her life. Her needs and wants have always been secondary so that everyone else around her could have what they needed. She has lived a selfless life and has given herself to her family so that they could live a more enriching life.

My mother has experienced the pain that results from the death of a spouse, a mother, and brothers...and she still keeps on going. My mother is a pillar of strength...she goes on when she doesn't feel like it and keeps striving to do more. She is my hero...look at her...do you see that in her? I do. That's my mother. I love you, mom.

Balanced Life

I love days like today. I started this Monday morning like I always do--woke up at 4:30 with Jon, ironed his clothes and saw him off to work, then I hopped in the shower, got ready for the day, got the kids up for school, etc. But today was one of my rare days in which I felt like all was balanced. I had my hands in everything--cleaning, laundry, schoolwork, spending one-on-one time with the kids, working in the yard, cooking, cleaning again, spending time with Jon. I accomplished so much today and felt like everyone got what they needed. There aren't many days like this as I generally have to focus on one "big" task along with my daily routine. Today, I had a lot of projects going on, completed them all, and met every one's needs. That makes me very, very happy...and when Mama's happy, everybody's happy. :-)

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl!

Our youngest, Eve, just celebrated her first birthday. Here are some snapshots of our sweet baby girl on her special day.

Ooooh....presents!

Lookie!

She got a bit startled when we started cheering after singing, "Happy Birthday."

This is what I'm talking about!

Now this is what I call a party!

Still happy after the scrub down.

Showing her new baby some love.

Thought for the Day

Men are governed by lines of intellect - women: by curves of emotion.

~James Joyce

The First Day of School

Can you hear that....listen closely...it is the sound of sneakers scuffling along freshly polished floors as students file down the hallway to their classrooms. The day is here and it has come too quickly--the first day of school. Noah, Gracie, and Jaden woke up eagerly this morning to put on their new clothes, eat breakfast, and load up in the van for the new year.


Last night before the kids went to bed, I read them the story, The Kissing Hand. Noah and Gracie have heard this story before, but it was new to Jaden and most closely fit her age since this was her first day of kindergarten. Anyway, as I was reading, I was reassuring Jaden that everything would be okay, just as the mother in the story reassured her little one. At the end of the story, who do you think broke down in tears--it was me! I started balling, Gracie started crying, and Noah and Jaden started being silly as a reaction to my tears (neither of them like to see me cry.) I told them all that I was going to miss them when they went to school but everything was going to be okay. So much for me setting a good example of being strong...

Well, the good news is that no one cried this morning! We dropped Gracie off at her class first. She is going into the second grade and Mrs. Mosley is her teacher.



Next was Noah's turn and he is going into third grade with Mrs. Brazell as his teacher. She was his teacher last year as well and has looped up to the third grade.


Jaden was last to be dropped off to her kindergarten class with Mrs. Vanzant as her teacher.

The house is quiet as Eve is sitting beside me playing with her toys. It's going to take some time for me to get back into the routine of having the kids gone during the day...but if I remember The Kissing Hand I think I'll be okay.