Fear: How to Turn a Watch Dog into a Scaredy Cat

What is fear? According to Wikipedia,

* Fear is an emotional response to threats and danger.

* Fear is often connected to pain.

* Fear is related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance.

* Fear is one of several basic, innate emotions.

* Fear is a survival mechanism, and usually occurs in response to a specific negative stimulus.

After reading this definition, can't help but ponder what life would be like without fear. If there was no fear, then there wouldn't be any reason to be fearful, right? So that means no "threats and danger," no "pain," and no "negative stimulus." If people did not experience any of these situations, then nothing would go wrong. Children would not fall off of their bikes and get abrasions, no one would be heartbroken due to relationships breaking up, no one would die, etc. We would be living in a perfect world saturated with perpetual bliss. I do believe this place exists--it's called heaven--until I get there, I'm going to have to deal with fear.

I think that it is important to have a healthy level of fear regarding certain situations because it forces a person to be mindful of ramifications that will ensue as a result of an action. For example, walking through a parking lot at night to get to one's vehicle. Being mindful of the potential dangers of a situation of this nature prompts a person to take precautions such as having the ignition keys in hand, being aware of the surroundings, starting the vehicle and locking the doors once inside, not tarrying in the parking lot, etc. A person who does this respects the fear of being attacked and takes action to avoid being vulnerable. This is having a healthy level of fear.

On the other hand, fear can escalate into unhealthy levels in which a person's fear can be intense, persistent, and irrational. When this happens, the fear can overtake the person and alter the way the person lives. A person can become so paranoid of the situation, activity, thing, or person that is evoking the fear that there is a change in lifestyle as a result. The fear turns into anxiety and starts to take control of the person's moods, actions, and overall functioning in daily life. This is having a very unhealthy level of fear.

Like most people, I have experienced my fair share of pain in my life. Death has been a frequenter in my family for the past several years and the loss of loved ones has carved a sorrowful etching in my heart that will never be repaired. I have felt the pain that results from of not being loved, betrayal, and rejection. I have felt pain...and it hurts. Being at this stage in life reminds me of this isolation that is felt from hurt and loss. This is explained in a poem from Ella Wheeler Wilcox entitled, "Solitude." It reads:

LAUGH, and the world laughs with you;

Weep, and you weep alone.

For the sad old earth must borrow it's mirth,

But has trouble enough of it's own.

Sing, and the hills will answer;

Sigh, it is lost on the air.

The echoes bound to a joyful sound,

But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;

Grieve, and they turn and go.

They want full measure of all your pleasure,

But they do not need your woe.

Be glad, and your friends are many;

Be sad, and you lose them all.

There are none to decline your nectared wine,

But alone you must drink life's gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;

Fast, and the world goes by.

Succeed and give, and it helps you live,

But no man can help you die.

There is room in the halls of pleasure

For a long and lordly train,

But one by one we must all file on

Through the narrow aisles of pain.

When experiencing feelings of devastation, it is common for a person to feel alone and isolated. It is also normal for a person to become fearful of the triggers that brought on the pain in the first place and to try to protect oneself from being hurt again. But living in fear and allowing that fear to take control of a person's life can put the person in a more turmoil than the initial stimulus.

I don't want live in constant fear. I don't want to allow fear to take control of me and dictate my mood, actions, and reactions. I want to be aware of the fear, accept it, and move on with my life. I want to know that if something negative happens, I will be able to get through it all and I will be okay. I want to prevail...and I will. James Thurber once said, "Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness." I am aware of my anger. I am aware of my fears. I am choosing to leave them where they are and move on with my life. For better or for worse, I am here and fear will not control me anymore.

Pet Peeves

Are there certain things that people do that sometimes get under your skin? These things can be simple idiosyncrasies, less-than-brilliant actions, or blatant stupidities that others act upon that infuriate you. Well, I know I have some and here are just a few...

1. Know-it-alls

2. Being behind a driver who drives with their blinker perpetually on

3. Toothpaste residue in the sink

4. Chipped nail polish

5. No toilet paper left on the roll (but the roll is still on the toilet paper holder)

6. Being able to see a woman's undergarment through (poking out of, etc.) her clothes

7. Pumping gas (and paying for it)

8. Hearing the horrible sound styrofoam makes when it is scratched

9. Powdered medicine (I could never take a Goody's or BC!)

10. Being wasteful

So what about you? What gets on your nerves?

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Anger Management

I've always had a bit of a temper--even when I was younger. My first distinct memory of out-and-out tantruming isn't as a child, but as a teenager instead. I was in high school in the late 80's and skyscraper hair styles were all the rage...the bigger, the better. I have naturally curly hair so I didn't have to get a perm like most of the girls, but I did have to have it frosted (yes, I said frosted--not highlighted with foils, but pulled through a cap with a knitting needle.) I had THE hair when I was in high school. It was big, bold, and bodacious. Anyway, one morning I was getting ready for school and my hair just wouldn't cooperate. I had my Aqua Net in one hand and sprayed my bangs until they were dripping with hairspray then I held them up with a pick and blew them dry with my hairdryer so that they were standing at attention. My hair had its normal amount of volume, but the shape was just all wrong and my bangs were just not standing the way I wanted. I was infuriated, but there was nothing I could do. My friend was waiting to give me a ride and I didn't have time to wash my hair and start all over again. Instead of chocking it all up to a bad hair day, I went into an all out rage. My mother was sitting at the dining room table listening to my grumbling and was hearing this all unfold. I was getting angrier by the second and finally I had to blow. I began SCREAMING at my mother and my friend (who was nice enough to pick me up and give me a ride to school, if I might add, so I didn't have to ride the bus) while complaining about my hair. I threw my teasing comb, chucked the hairspray can, and kicked the trashcan on the way out of the bathroom. My mom just sat in the dining room and would say to me in a calm voice, "Heather, it looks good. Quit getting so mad," as she puffed religiously on her cigarette and drank her coffee. My tantrum ended and I went to school, but this ritual occurred at least a couple of times a week. Looking back, I wonder why my mom didn't take that coffee cup of hers and whirl it at me when I was acting like a complete idiot...I'll have to ask her that.